勇敢生活如何征服對生活的恐懼

勇敢生活如何征服對生活的恐懼Fearofsomethingbadhappeninginthefutureisoneofthethingsthatmakeushuman.Animalsmightfearanimmediatedanger,thatishappeningrightnow,butonlywefearsomethingthatmighthappen,thatisn’thappeningnow,thatisn’tevenshowingitsuglyfaceatthemoment.Thisfear,somemightsay,isnecessary…itstopsusfromdoingsomethingstupid.ButI’vefoundmostofthesefearstobeunnecessary,tobebaseless,tobeholdingusbackfromachievingsomething.IrecentlyaskedmyTwitterfriends:“Whatfearisholdingyouback?”Theirresponsesincluded:*failure*abandonment/rejection*intimacy*success*beingbroke*notbeinggoodenoughIthinkthelastone—notbeinggoodenough—isactuallyattherootofalltheothers.Wefearwe’llfailbecausewe’renotgoodenough.Wefearwe’llloseourrelationships,thatwe’llbeabandoned,thatwe’llberejected…becausewe’renotgoodenough.Wefearintimacyfortheverysamereason—wemightgetrejectedbecausewe’renotgoodenough.Eventhefearofsuccessisbasedontheworrythatwe’renotgoodenough.Doyouhavethisfear?Thatyou’renotgoodenough?Ihave,forallmylife,andIstillhaveittoday.Buthere’sthething:havingthefearisnatural.Lettingitstopyoufromgoingafteryourdreamsisatragedy.Ididthis,forwelloveradecadeofmyadultlife.Iletthefearofnotbeinggoodenoughstopmefromeventrying,fromevendaringtodream.Itturnedoutthatmyfearswerebaseless.Iamgoodenough.I’mnotperfect,butwhois?WhenIwasabletoovercomethisfearofnotbeinggoodenough,thisfearoffailureandrejection,andputmyselfoutthereintheworld,Isucceeded.IfoundoutthatIwasgoodenough.AndIstillhavethissamefear—IstillworrythatI’mnotgoodenough,thatI’llfailandfloponmyfaceinfrontof100,000people…butIwouldn’tbehumanifIdidn’t.Eventhemostsuccessfulpeople—BarackObama,SteveJobs,PaulMcCartney,.Rowling,etal—theyhavethisfear,eveniftheydon’tshowit.Buttheydon’tletitholdthemback.Howcanyoudothis?Let’slookintoit.“Thegreatestbarriertosuccessisthefearoffailure.”-SvenGoranErikssonHowtoBeatYourFearsThereisnostep-by-stepprogramtobeatingyourfears,buthere’swhatI’velearned,first-handandfromothers.1.First,acknowledgeyourisahugefirststep.Ifyoudojustthistoday,you’vedonesomethinggreat.Manyofushavethesefears,buttheyareatthebackofourmind,unnoticed,unacknowledged,aswetrytoignorethemandpretendthey’renotthere.Buttheyarethere.Andtheyaffectus,everyday,allourlives.Soacknowledgethefear.2.Writeit’syourfear?Writeitonapieceofpaper.Writingitdownnotonlyacknowledgesthatyouhaveit—bringingitoutintothelight—butitexternalizesthefear.Ittakesthefearfromthedarklurkingplacesinthebackofyourmind,whereithaspoweroveryou,outintothelightofday,outsideofyou,whereyouhavepoweroverthefear.Takecontroloveritbywritingitdown.Itisnowoutsideyou.Youcandosomethingaboutit.Ipersonallyliketocrumpleitupandstomponit,butyoucandowhateveryoulike.Postitonyourfridgeasareminderofyourenemy.3.Feelthe’veacknowledgedit,butyou’restillafraidofit.You’rereluctanttoevenhavethisfear,perhapsevenembarrassedaboutit.Well,nomore.Recognizethatyou’renotalone,thatweALLhavethesefears,thatweallthinkwemightnotbegoodenough.Yes,eventheamazingBarack,theamazingJessicaAlba,theamazingAlPacino.Theyhavethesamefearsasyoudo.Isuredo.Repeatafterme:there’snothingwrongwithhavingthisfear.Nowallowyourselftofeelit.Experienceitfully.Baskinthisfear.Itisn’tasbadasyouthink.It’sapartofyou,butitdoesn’tcontrolyou.FromdjbarkeronTwitter:“Feelthefear&doitanyway.”4.Askyourself:what’stheworstthingthatcanhappen?Oftenit’snotasbadaswethink.Doyoufearfailinginanewcareer?Whatwouldhappenifyoudid?You’dgetanotherjob.You’dmoveon.You’dlive.Doyoufearbeingrejectedbysomeoneoftheoppositesex?Whatwouldhappenifyouwere?You’dlickyourwounds,you’dfindsomeoneelsewhoismoresuitedforyou,you’dlive.Doyoufearbeingbroke?Whatwouldhappenifyouwere?You’dcutbackonyourexpenses,perhapsaskfamilyorfriendstohelpyououtforalittlebit.You’dfindawaytomakemoney.You’dlive.5.Justdoit.Torepeat:feelthefearanddoitanyway.Tobeatthefear,youhavetojustdoit.Seebelowforsometipsondoingthis,butwhatworksformeisnotthinking,justacting.Likewhenyouwanttojumpoffawaterfallsintothepoolbelow:don’tthinkaboutit.Justjump!It’sanexhilaratingfeeling.Ifearpublicspeaking,butwhenIgetupandjustdoit,Ifeelgreat.FromJadeCravenonTwitter:“Ifeareverything.I’verecentlydecidedtoignoremyfearsandjustgoforit!Somanyopportunitieshavecomeasaresult.”6.Prepareyourselfforyou’regoingtotakeonanadversary,youprepareyourself.Youarmyourself,andhaveabattleplan,andtrainyourself.Dothisinyourbattleagainstyourfear:armyourself,haveabattleplan,trainyourself.Ifyouwanttobeamusicianbutyoufearfailure…practice,practice,practice,thencomeupwithaplantosucceed,thengetalltheskillsandinfoyouneedtoimplementtheplan,thenpracticesomemore.Thengooutandimplementtheplan!7.Beintheoffailure(andothersimilarfears)arefearsofthefuture.Wegetcaughtupinworryingaboutwhatmighthappen.Instead,banishallthoughtsofthefuture.Banisheventhoughtsofpastmistakesandfailures.Nowfocusonrightnow.Dosomethingrightnowtobeatyourfears,topursueyourdreams,andforgetaboutwhatmighthappen.Justdoit,now,inthemoment.Whenyoufindyourselfthinkingaboutthepastorfuture,bringyourselfbackinthemomentandfocusonwhatyou’redoingrightatthismoment.8.Smallfearandpursuingalifegoalcanbeoverwhelming,intimidating.Sostartsmall.Justtakeonelittlebabystep.Somethingyouknowyoucando.Somethingyou’resuretosucceedat.Thenfeelgoodaboutthat(seebelow